Trapped
by ValaMalDoran-Jackson
Summary: Read the title and draw your own conclusions


Brigadier General Jack O'Neill looked up from his stack of paperwork when his office door swung open and Daniel entered, a thick book under one arm and a pillow under the other. "Hi, Jack." The younger man smiled and nodded slightly, then dropped the pillow on the couch beside O'Neill's desk and lay down to read.

Un-Daniel like behaviour. Jack quirked an eyebrow, thought over what might be going on. Never hurts to ask, he decided.

"Space Monkey! What brings you down to my neck of the woods?"

"Oh, you know, I was in the area, thought I'd swing by and, you know, see if you wanted company." Daniel's eyes peered over the arm too brightly at him, a sure sign that he was lying.

"From three floors up, and at the other end of the base?"

"The coffee on your floor just tastes so much better than ours."

"Daniel, as much as I value your company, as often as I have felt brotherly feelings toward you, I have to ask, since you so obviously never return those feelings, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I want to spend some time with you. Since I know you're a busy man, I'm here to provide moral support over your nasty paperwork. You might want to call Teal'c and have him come in too, I hear new regs and memos can be tough to handle." Daniel offered, eyes wide with innocence.

Jack wasn't buying it.

Opening a drawer, he consulted a small calendar before turning back to Jackson.

"This wouldn't by any chance have anything to do with a certain dark haired woman's monthly cycle, would it?" He asked patiently.

Daniel bolted upright, eyes terrified behind his glasses, hugging his book to his chest and rocking slightly, like a traumatized child. Jack wouldn't have been at all surprised had Jackson started sucking his thumb. "It's not just Vala. You know Ishta's visiting us for the next week, right? Well, she's on her cycle too. If you care about Teal'c at all, you'll get him down here. Fast. Trust me, he'll owe you his life in gratitude."

"Danny, Danny, Danny." Jack sighed theatrically. "Something you didn't know about girls, when they're in close proximity for an extended period of time, their cycles start to synch up. Something about evolution, how cavewomen needed to band together to protect themselves from the male species or something, I guess they'd leave the bleeding female out in the open for the males to-" Jack waved a hand sketchily, then shrugged. "See? Protection. The cavewomen's raging hormones would flare up at the injustice, and they would all go nuts on the caveman attacking their fellow cavesister. Carter explained it to me once, when she had calmed down from she and Doc Frasier ripping me a new one. It's like they're telepathic or something, the menstruating females can finish one another's sentences, when one takes a breath, the other takes over." He explained.

"Yeah, great, but Sam and Carolyn are both-" Daniel's voice trailed off as the door opened once more and Colonel Mitchell entered, followed closely by Teal'c.

"Good morning, sir. Big Guy and me had kind of an argument, that we'd like your opinion on. In hockey, how thick is the ice on the rink, why doesn't the puck get thrown into the goal instead of knocked in with a stick, who named football, what are all the names of the men on every football team ever formed, would it be possible to build a lightsaber, why or why not, how much would it cost, will you sign off on that project, and what is the density of the sun. Take your time answering those questions, sir, I don't want to be a bother. I'll just sit over here with Teal'c and Jackson and read his book with him…_Annals of Archeological Finds_, you couldn't think to bring in a _Guns and Ammo_?_ Time_? Even _People _for God's sake!" Mitchell grumbled, flopping onto the couch at Jackson's feet. Teal'c, meanwhile, had gone to a secluded corner of the room and lapsed into kel'noreem.

"Carter and Lam?" Jack asked. Teal'c's eyes snapped open, Jackson sat up straight, and Mitchell leapt to his feet. "Where?" Teal'c asked harshly.

"No, I mean…" The door opened once more, this time admitting Sergeant Siler, who looked petrified.

"Excuse me, sir. Don't mean to intrude. I heard a rumor that a pipe had burst in one of the rooms above your office, thought I'd come check for water damage. Seeing as you're the General and all, wouldn't want you inconvenienced in any way, sir. I'll just be checking over by Teal'c, sir." The man explained. "By the way, sir, thought you should know that a group of women wanted to talk to Colonel Mitchell, they were throwing your name around, and from the sound of it, it wasn't good, sir." He added before heading to the corner. "We'll barricade the door with the bookshelf, put the desk in front of that, pull the shades down over the window, and put the couch in front of the desk. If we turn out the lights and lock the door, they'll think we've gone for the day." Mitchell ordered, leaping into action with Siler, Teal'c, and Daniel at his heels. When they finished moving the furniture, Daniel snapped off the light and they fell silent. Seconds later, someone banged on the door. Daniel squeaked, but Jack cut off the sound by clamping a hand over his mouth.

"Colonel!" Lam called through the door. Mitchell winced and Teal'c put a steadying hand on his shoulder. Jack put a finger to his lips and made eye contact with the other men. They nodded in agreement.

"Sir, I can guarantee you that I'm in no way compromised. We just need to talk to you about the last mission. Apparantly, the local children had come down with an alien form of flu three days before Mitchell lead the team off world. I believe Daniel, Teal'c, and Colonel Mitchell might be coming down with it. It stimulates extreme paranoia in the one that's sick. If any of you think that someone is out to get you, raise your hand." Sam called. Every one of the men locked in the tiny office raised a hand.

"Sir, it's bad. Daniel started showing the signs of the paranoia first, hiding under his desk and whimpering. Mitchell was next, he held Siler hostage for about an hour until he had made the man swear never to reveal the fact that he's terrified of me when I'm on my cycle. Sir, the virus reproduces quickly. Carolyn needs to vaccinate you as soon as possible to prevent a pandemic." Carter called through the door then.

O'Neill drew in a deep breath and looked around the small office, meeting the eyes of his brothers in arms.

They would die with honor.

"How long do you think it would take us to tunnel to the surface?" Daniel asked softly, a maniacal gleam in his blue eyes, pulling several spoons from his jacket pocket.


End file.
